


you're the one

by noknockback



Series: kuroken week 2019 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, day one: childhood/future, kenma has trouble figuring out his feelings: the fic, krknweek2019, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-13 12:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noknockback/pseuds/noknockback
Summary: then, kyoto?it was just a different prefecture, it’s not like kuroo was going to another country or anything. he’d just be further away, seven hours by train to get there from tokyo; their daily walks home together would be impossible, video calls would have to suffice if they wanted to talk, because he wouldn’t be able to see kuroo that often any more.right.of course.





	you're the one

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this whole thing in comic sans because tumblr said it would improve productivity  
shoutout to my beta makki who helped a lot with the ending!!

it’s weird. 

**kuro:** kenma

he feels… weird. 

**kuro:** i got a scholarship to kyoto university!

usually, he can pinpoint exactly what he’s feeling, no matter what the situation, but now…

**kuro:** i thought i’d let you know first before telling the others

**kenma:** oh

is he… happy? happy for kuroo? that’s he’s gotten into his dream university? 

**kenma:** kyoto university is in kyoto

**kuro:** uh yeah  
**kuro:** kenma are you ok?

is he? kenma doesn’t know. 

**kuro:** do you want to come over 

whatever. kenma can’t be bothered to do much thinking right now. this… _ feeling _, it’s probably just because he’s tired. 

**kenma:** yeah ok 

nothing to worry about. 

* * *

it’s nothing to worry about, kenma tells himself. 

it’s nothing, so why does it keep bothering him? 

it had gone away yesterday, lingering on until kuroo opened the door and let him in. kenma had uttered a quiet “congratulations”, kuroo thanked him for it, and that was the end of all university talk. they played some of kuroo’s older video games, kenma beating him at all of them, then fell asleep until kenma’s mother came banging on the door to call him for dinner. 

but it’s come back now, just as the bell for second period annoyingly heralds the arrival of their english teacher. his mind slips absentmindedly to kuroo’s text yesterday, and it triggers _ something _, and kenma almost forgets to stand and greet the teacher with how much his mind is occupied with the thought. 

he definitely needs a better word to describe it than _ weird _, but that’s exactly what it is. weird. odd. strange. not supposed to be, and yet there it is, nestled in his mind like some sort of parasite, eating away at his train of thought while the teacher drones on about their upcoming assignment and how she expects well done work despite it not holding a large percentage in their grade. 

_ kyoto university _. 

maybe there had been unpleasant occurrences associated with the place or rumours about the school that kenma had heard in passing that’s making him feel like this; he doesn’t want kuroo to go somewhere that has a tarnished reputation and possibly ruin his hopes for the future.

he thinks and thinks and racks his brain for anything that he heard that would serve as a possible explanation as to why he feels this way, but all that comes to mind when kenma thinks about kyoto university is kuroo’s enthusiastic late night talks about how amazing the biochemistry courses there are, about how he’s read all sorts of blogs and comments from students there and how promising it sounds. 

so it can’t be the university kuroo’s going to that’s bothering him, given that kenma has heard nothing but a shower of praises about it. 

that leaves several other factors that might be the cause of kenma’s _ weird feeling _, his unsettlement, one of which being-

“kozume-san!” it’s his desk partner akagi, handing him a sheet of paper, presumably the assignment the teacher was talking about. “do you want to partner up for the project?”

_ shit. _ ** **

he nods to akagi, wordlessly taking the paper and looking at it, but his eyes don’t read the words.

_ was i spacing out? _

he feels panic set in, because he _ never _ spaces out. kenma has always been known for being scarily observant and exceptionally perceptive—his mind never wandered—so this happening was all the more troubling. 

and with how he’s so absorbed in thinking about this-

he needs to _ stop. _

* * *

it’s been a few days.

a few days since kenma has thought about it again.

since that time in class, he’s made special effort to keep his thoughts under control, forcing it down whenever a single word associated with it popped up and prompted that train of thought to go off again, wishing he could strangle the conductor of that damn train that had been causing him so much trouble.

it got to a point where akagi even asked if he was okay, because he was actually showing an expression other than apathetic boredom, to which kenma responded with a sharp stare. (akagi snickered at him but backed off eventually.) 

after that, kenma managed to keep both his thoughts and expression in check, deciding with resolve that that was not the time to think about it, and it never would be the time to think about it, because the more he thought, the more out of control the tracks would grow, and it’d split into different routes and _ those _ would split some more, and it would never end. 

he should just stop thinking about it, so that’s what kenma did, or at least was succeeding at, until now.

kuroo’s drawling on about his day at school, complaining about his shitty math teacher who “can’t teach for shit”, not expecting kenma to give much of a reply, because that’s how they are; on their walks home together, kuroo does the talking to fill in the silence, and kenma just listens. he’s never pushed to talk about how his day went, or give comments on things that kuroo has said, one of the reasons why kenma feels most comfortable being around the older boy.

and then kuroo just has to ask a question that fuels that stupid train.

“do you think i should join the volleyball team in kyodai?” 

_ kyodai _. he’s already using a nickname for the school, and it’s only been three days since kuroo’s told him about the scholarship from the school. 

it’s not like he’s definitely, without a doubt, going to enroll there; he might get an offer from another, better school, like, like _ tokyo university _, somewhere closer to home. 

and why does it seem like he’s so _ eager _ to go, to graduate and leave? there’s still a good few months before finals even start, not to mention graduation, so _ why _-

“kenma?”

right. kuroo asked him something.

“i think you should join if you want,” he answers honestly, because even though kenma’s disturbed by kuroo thinking so far ahead, he isn’t going to give an answer that could potentially damage the plan that kuroo has for himself (kenma knows how seriously kuroo takes his words). “but if you’re not doing it professionally, maybe you should concentrate more on your courses.”

kuroo nods slowly, thoughtfully, letting out a hum of agreement. “i guess that makes sense.”

perhaps he’s sensed kenma’s discomfort, kenma won’t put it past kuroo to have been able to do this—no matter what people say, he knows kuroo is exceptional at scrutinising people—or maybe he simply has nothing more to say on the subject, but either way, kuroo starts going on about how his mother was cooking hotpot tonight, and does kenma want to come over to join because there is no way the three of them can finish all of it.

kenma says okay.

* * *

“kenma!” it’s yaku, jogging over to him after their three-on-three match ended.

_ shit. was i that obvious? _

he looks up at the third year, putting down the school-issued water bottle and hoping that it isn’t what he thinks it is. 

“your toss—” great. it _is_ what he thought it was. “—just now, the last toss, to lev,” he mulls over appropriate words, but kenma speaks first.

“was bad, i know. i’m not used to running around so much, so the last toss was sloppy.” it’s true; this was the first time coach nekomata had them play a three-on-three match, just to see how each player reacted with having less people on the team. 

but it’s also not true, because while kenma _was_ tired from running around more than usual, his mind had wandered off somewhere else when he made that toss. namely, to _ that _ train of thought again, for whatever reason. it made kenma feel _ things _, leading to that toss.

yaku seems to know this, or at least know that fatigue wasn’t the reason.

“it’s not just about that toss,” he continues, “but kuroo, kai, and i have been watching you all game, and it just seems like you’re… off? just a little bit, the others haven’t noticed, don’t worry. but,” he stops again to think and this time, kenma lets him. 

“we’re just worried, i guess,” he says eventually, eyebrows creasing into a small frown. “we don’t want to stick our noses into your business, but we just want to make sure you’re okay.” yaku glances to the side, and kenma’s gaze follows to see kuroo and kai discussing something among themselves, away from the rest of the team. “maybe you could tell kuroo, he can understand better.” 

kenma wants to say that he’s fine, that nothing’s wrong, he really was just tired, he’ll be all better by tomorrow, but he knows that’s exactly what being _not_ fine sounds like. 

instead, he settles to tell yaku that he’ll consider talking to kuroo about it, which works like a charm to pacify the third year’s worry, and he stalks off to the other two, most likely to report on what he said.

* * *

_ why did that happen? _

why _ did that happen? _

how could he have been so _ stupid _ as to let his mind slip during practice, and affect his performance no less? the third years had all noticed and yaku even confronted him about it, so it must have been more obvious than he thought.

kenma sets the ball up angrily, huffing when it doesn’t go where he wants it to and ends up almost hitting the figurines lined up at the head of his bed. he lets the ball roll on the ground and falls backward on his bed, sighing. 

what _ is _his problem with kuroo going to kyoto university, anyway?

he’s already ruled out one possibility, so could it be because kuroo had gotten a scholarship? is he just jealous that kuroo had gotten a scholarship from on of the top seven universities in japan?

but no, that’s not it, because kuroo _ is _ smart, and has been ever since kenma had first met him as kids. him getting a scholarship isn’t surprising in the least, and kenma’s never envied kuroo’s intelligence, so that can’t be the reason why he’s so bothered.

that leaves just about nothing else that could possibly cause kenma to be so _ like this _, it’s not the scholarship, it’s not kyoto university. 

university?

no; kuroo has to graduate some day, it’s not like he could simply _ not _ go to university and waste his talents just like that.

then, kyoto?

it was just a different prefecture, it’s not like kuroo was going to another country or anything. he’d just be further away, seven hours by train to get there from tokyo; their daily walks home together would be impossible, video calls would have to suffice if they wanted to talk, because he wouldn’t be able to see kuroo that often any more.

right_ . _

of_ course. _

* * *

this new revelation has kenma going _ insane _.

well, not exactly insane, but _ finally _ knowing what had gotten him like this, and the fact that it’s-

okay, this has to stop.

he’s lucky that practice was cancelled today, or else he’d definitely mess up again, and this time it wouldn’t just be third years who would notice. it was bad enough during class, with akagi constantly sending him concerned glances but saying nothing, knowing that something was off but not wanting to point it out else he got snapped at. 

if kenma thought that his mind could finally rest after finding out the root of what was bothering him, then _ boy _ was he wrong. knowing the actual cause and finding that it actually _ makes sense _, that it isn’t just some nonsensical reason, that it really can’t be because of anything else but this- 

it’s made kenma become even more unsettled. 

and now, he’s walking back home with kuroo, the thought lodged firmly at the front of his mind, that he’s been feeling this way about kuroo going to kyoto university because he—

“kenma?” kuroo’s looking at him expectantly, like he’s waiting for an answer from him. _ he is _, kenma realises too late; kuroo’s seen through him, and given that it’s not the first time he's spaced out like this, he’s definitely going to say something about it.

“kenma,” he begins slowly, and kenma knows that there’s no way he’s escaping. “is, is this about my scholarship?” and _ of course _he has to guess it right on the first try.

kenma says nothing, but it’s enough of an answer for kuroo.

the older boy reaches out for kenma’s wrist and lightly pulls him along, away from the path home, and goes, “come on, let’s go.” kenma wants to ask _ go where _, but he’s too preoccupied with thinking of a good way to tell kuroo what’s wrong without making it sound like he's being too clingy.

eventually, he finds that kuroo has brought them to their local convenience store, sitting him down at the bench outside and telling him to “wait here”, while he went in the store to get something for the both of them.

kenma’s neck deep in his thoughts when he feels something cold being pressed against his hands. his gaze focuses and he sees the familiar bottle of apple juice in his hands, something kuroo always bought whenever kenma was feeling off. it’s not his favourite, sure, but drinking it always reminds kenma of just how much kuroo cares, and the thought helps to ease his mind a little as he takes a sip of the drink.

“so,” kuroo sits beside him, opening his own can of hot chocolate. “you don’t have to tell me anything, but if it’s got to do with me going to kyodai, you don’t have to worry. i’m still waiting on the replies of a few other schools, so it’s not confirmed that i’m going to kyoto.” he takes a swig of his beverage, and kenma decides that now’s the best time to speak up. 

“it’s not that,” he mutters, eyes trained on the bottle of apple juice held between his hands. he hears the _ hm? _ from kuroo, and continues slowly without looking up, “i don’t have a problem with kyoto university. not the school.”

should-

should he tell kuroo? 

_ kuroo will understand, _ kenma tries reassuring himself, glancing up for a just a second, only to see the look on kuroo’s face, sees that part of him really wants to know, wants to know what’s been making his best friend so distracted all of the time, but part of him also knows not to push and that if kenma doesn’t want to say anything, then that’s fine, too.

it’s this that makes kenma think, _ he’ll understand. _

“it’s just that- kyoto is far, and,” his resolve wavers, and his voice grows smaller. “i don’t want to lose you.” 

there. he said it.

the true reason why kenma’s been feeling this way all along: he’s scared. 

scared to lose the only one who’s ever really understood him fully, not just assuming they know what he’s thinking and what he wants, but actually _ caring _ and trying to comprehend him. 

he hears a chuckle elicited from kuroo, and is about to glare at him because was he _ mocking _ kenma? after opening up like that?

but he realises that kuroo’s not laughing out of mockery; he’s looking at kenma with endearing eyes, which almost, _ almost _ makes kenma blush. he looks away before that can happen, though. 

“you can’t get rid of me that easily,” kuroo smiles lightheartedly, to which kenma responds by blinking, unamused. “but yeah, i know how you feel.” 

“when you first met chibi-chan, you opened up to him so quickly, it’s like our years of friendship meant nothing,” he confesses softly. kenma protests, saying that it’s different, he’s just never met someone so enthusiastic to be his friend before. kuroo replies that he had realised that eventually.

“don’t you have other friends,” kenma questions, unsure as to why kuroo would feel this way, too. he’s definitely more sociable than kenma, so the possibility of him having a close friend of his age is high. 

apparently not.

“they’re not you,” kuroo murmurs, raising his eyes to gaze at the sky, where the sun was rapidly descending below the horizon. “it’s not the same with them. what i’m trying to say is, i guess, that i feel the same way.” he looks back down, meeting kenma’s gaze, “i don’t want to lose you either.” 

maybe it’s just the setting sun, its rays basking the whole place in a thousand shades of warm gold and amber, but kenma’s sure he can see the slightest hint of a blush on kuroo’s face.

he makes a move for kenma’s hands, fingers gently prying loose his grip on the bottle, aligning their palms flush together. he squeezes.

“don’t worry. you’re never going to lose me. we can call every day, i’ll make sure to text you all the time, we can still play games together online if you want, and i’ll visit every chance i get, okay? we’ll never lose each other, i promise.”

a shy smile finds its way onto kenma’s face, and he squeezes back.

"okay."

**Author's Note:**

> kudos if you spotted the doukyuusei reference  
also, akagi is actually inarizaki's third year libero but i really like his name, so.  
thanks for reading! <3


End file.
